AskArchiveAbout

"Reading gives me — what are those called — it’s like an earthquake but in my brain."
“An idea?”
“Yeah!”

"Reading gives me — what are those called — it’s like an earthquake but in my brain."
“An idea?”
“Yeah!”

snails replied to your post “I feel bad that I’m so grumpy and terse in the mornings. But also,…”
Are you awake? Really? I need to give you instructions. Are you actually awake? 
image
Amy and Her Corolla: an unlikely friendship leads to a wacky roadtrip with some lessons learned along the way! [cue Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill”]

Amy and Her Corolla: an unlikely friendship leads to a wacky roadtrip with some lessons learned along the way! [cue Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill”]

Why aren’t you excited to meet Data’s cat?

(Source: tinycatfeet)

We are having THE BEST TIME

We are having THE BEST TIME

Dudley and Amy, II

Dudley and Amy, II

Dudley and Amy, I

Dudley and Amy, I

Snails and me out for a spin in our Autopia convertible coupe

Snails and me out for a spin in our Autopia convertible coupe

imagesnails replied to your photo: My lack of enthusiasm for the dentist isn’t helped…

And this ISN’T the German one???

My German dentist—Dr.Tanz—certainly didn’t have Wendy Williams playing in the X-ray room, so this is a step up.

Here’s a new project Amy and I started, borne of her watching Deadwood for the first time and grappling with the cognitive dissonance it causes: everything in this show is literally covered in shit, and yet it’s oddly fun to watch
Beyond that, Amy is very funny.

Here’s a new project Amy and I started, borne of her watching Deadwood for the first time and grappling with the cognitive dissonance it causes: everything in this show is literally covered in shit, and yet it’s oddly fun to watch

Beyond that, Amy is very funny.

This show’s as dark as The Simpsons is funny.

- Amy, on Deadwood

It’s however you think of me: as a mollusk or a girlfriend

- Amy, after I asked whether she’d prefer to be cited as her real name or as Snails, her blog name.

Tags:

snails

It is the source of all my problems. You’d think it’d be my heart, but it’s my butt.

- Amy, after I said, “Your colon is the source of all your problems.”

A conversation with my girlfriend, while Mary Poppins was paused (or: why I can't think and talk good at the same time)

She: I will never have what Mary Poppins had. I want her sixteen-inch waist. Like Dita Von Teese.

Me: You have a very small waist.

She: It's twenty-four inches, not sixteen.

Me: I think in order to get a sixteen-inch waist, Dita Von Teese had to have her ribs removed.

She: She didn't have her ribs removed.

Me: Really?

She: Yeah.

Me: Dita Von Ribs didn't have her teets removed?

She: (long pause) She certainly didn't have her teets removed.

Me: Oh.

She: Dita Von Ribs, coming to a McDonald's near you.


You may glory in a team triumphant, but you fall in love with a team in defeat. Losing after great striving is the story of man, who was born to sorrow, whose sweetest songs tell of saddest thought, and who, if he is a hero, does nothing in life as becomingly as leaving it.
—Roger Kahn | The Boys of Summer

After my first season of following baseball, I am beginning to understand why this sport teaches its fans not to cheer for their team to win, but to cheer for them not to lose. While losing is certainly devastating, winning staves off that devastation and quietly builds hope that maybe the team will continue not to lose, all the way until it wins. 
Granted, Magic Johnson nearly liquidated his solid-gold sex island in a vain effort to win — and didn’t — but then what is a season of baseball but another chance to build hope that we’ll continue to not lose some more next year? 
Have a great postseason, San Francisco! Don’t lose!
Especially to the Yankees.

You may glory in a team triumphant, but you fall in love with a team in defeat. Losing after great striving is the story of man, who was born to sorrow, whose sweetest songs tell of saddest thought, and who, if he is a hero, does nothing in life as becomingly as leaving it.

—Roger Kahn | The Boys of Summer

After my first season of following baseball, I am beginning to understand why this sport teaches its fans not to cheer for their team to win, but to cheer for them not to lose. While losing is certainly devastating, winning staves off that devastation and quietly builds hope that maybe the team will continue not to lose, all the way until it wins. 

Granted, Magic Johnson nearly liquidated his solid-gold sex island in a vain effort to win — and didn’t — but then what is a season of baseball but another chance to build hope that we’ll continue to not lose some more next year? 

Have a great postseason, San Francisco! Don’t lose!

Especially to the Yankees.

Next